By Ross Uglem
As has been tradition with the
Mike McCarthy-led Packers, the last day of mini-camp was used for a
“team-building activity” instead of another practice. Last year, the team went out skeet shooting. After
alleged shrapnel-related complications suffered by one of the equipment managers,
McCarthy opted for a less-dangerous team activity this off-season: that of
dodgeball at the Packers’ training center.
Captains were randomly selected
and teams were drafted. The QBs came off the board early with receivers to
follow. A surprising run of offensive linemen were then taken. While certainly
not the most agile, their frames proved useful for hiding opposing skill
position players. Speed players were taken next, with the rest of the picks
withering down into the specialists.
The squad led by Aaron Rodgers
was immediately considered the prohibitive favorite due to the former MVP’s
rocket-ship arm and his general leadership qualities. Among Rodgers’ teammates
were his good friend Brett Goode and Mason Crosby. As it turns out, Goode was
surprisingly effective. Utilizing his long-snapping form, he was able to fire
strikes from betwixt his legs, picking off opponents seemingly at will.
“Look, one thing that people
don’t understand is that I really don’t need to look at my target. Do people
really think that I have any idea where that red-headed guy is that I snap it
to on specials? I find that to be a little bit of a ridiculous expectation. I
just snap the ball and hope for the best. It got me this far, didn’t it?” said
Goode.
Goode’s special teams’
counterpart, Crosby, was not as enthused about the competition.
“I’m a little upset they stopped
letting me kick the ball. It’s way faster that way. I let one get away from me
that finds its way off the wall and onto Coach Capers’ nose, and all of the
sudden everyone’s upset.”
The final match pitted Rodgers’
squad against a receiving-heavy team that included Jordy Nelson, James Jones
and Jermichael Finley – well-suited for catching opponent’s throws. As you know,
Section A., Rule 4 of the Competitive Dodgeball Association states “When a
player catches an opposing throw, that opponent is out. The teammate on the
receiver’s squad shall immediate reinstate the player who has been out the
longest to active game participation.”
The championship ended in
dramatic fashion. Finley was left in a one-on-two situation against Rodgers and
recently reinstated Johnny Jolly. For most of the day, Rodgers had been making
hay using the wide-framed Jolly as a screen. But while Finley was able to pelt
#97 in the jugular, eliminating Rodgers’ protection, he immediately lost focus.
He broke in to his “YOTTO” TD celebration and was subsequently and unceremoniously
drilled in the midsection by the Super Bowl XLV MVP, ending the competition.
As we’re accustomed to seeing, Rodgers
was extremely appreciative of his teammates and attributed the credit for the
victory to them.
“Defense wins championships. I’m
glad we were able to go out there and take care of the dodgeball and play our
game. At the end of the day, I'm just wanted to give it 110%, like Cary Elwes did
in ‘The Princess Bride.’ You ever see that one? Great, great movie. I met Cary
once, actually. Nice guy.”
You can follow Ross Uglem, aka “D3 Hack” on Twitter as @Rug_pHd12
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