Would You?

A Friday is a great day to come up with "Would You?" scenarios. Every Friday in the breakroom, Craig the Custodian and I have a cup of coffee and pose some "Would You?" scenarios to each other.

"Would you eat five spoonfuls of the year-old yogurt in the back of the breakroom fridge if you got free yogurt for year?"

"Would you shave Gimli's back hair and give Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pip foot massages if you could spend a week hiking with the Fellowship?"

"If your dog could talk, would you want to know what she thought of you?"

Whatever your answer, you have to be prepared to make a case for why that would be your choice. It's really a good way to take your mind off of work and get you ready for the weekend. Plus, Craig usually has a little Red Breast to Irish up our coffees. Would you drink at work if there was a 16% chance you would get caught and fired?

As I was leaving the breakroom last Friday, Craig said, "You need a haircut, man." This comment and the Irish in the coffee got me thinking about a "Would you?" for Packers fans. So, I posed this question on Twitter:

— The Packer Ranter (@PackerRanter) April 14, 2017

It immediately become apparent that I must be 1) tremendously vain 2) complacent with the Packers sustained success or 3) underestimating the emotional uplift that a Super Bowl victory brings to fellow Packers fans. This seemed like a legit "Would You?" to me, I of thick luxurious hair, and I of a great appreciation of sustained Packers success. I would have to seriously ponder whether shaving my head for a year would be worth it for me. On the other hand, if I was bald, it would be a very difficult decision to wear a rug, a rug that everyone I met knew was a rug. (FYI-There is no cheating. You can't tell people why you have made either of these choices. Come on, guys.)

Well, based on my replies, I am in the minuscule minority. I quickly learned that Packers fans have a shocking disregard for their hair. SHOCKING. DISREGARD. Many responses seemed to imply that people are carrying a razor in their pocket in the unlikely event they are offered this deal on the street.

Then, while I was contemplating taking a straight razor to my scalp, I read these:

Such an easy yes it's not even funny. I would give up a finger for a GB super bowl https://t.co/Doc7PGotPK

— Ben (@ky1o_ben) April 15, 2017

I would cut off both of my pinkies in a heart beat. https://t.co/iV5B3AJGWd

— Tai (@Tai1388) April 14, 2017

You know that part in 'The Matrix' when Morpheus explains to Neo what the Matrix is? The part where he vomits, passes out and then wakes up in his cabin on the Nebuchadnezzar contemplating his new existence? That's where I am, folks. I have awoken to the new reality that I am not the Packers fan I thought I was. I am not the fan who is going to give up a finger, even a pinky. Hell, I'm not even the fan that's going to shave his head.

Please excuse me while I go deal with this reality.