Shop for Authentic Autographed Packers Collectibles at SportsMemorabilia.com
Showing posts with label Squirrels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Squirrels. Show all posts

Monday, February 7, 2011

Fields of Green and Gold

These are a few random thoughts in no particular order.

*I am in a good mood. Not too overfed with the many sweet tastes of victory – still need to perform the daily functions of jerky tenderizing, managing the DVR and emailing news organizations regarding the under-reported groundswell of rabid, malicious squirrels in the area. I mean, they’re not even scared of us anymore! But I’m also not too stubborn to hide this perma-grin, either.

*There was little doubt in my mind this would be the biggest Super Bowl of all time. All the elements were in place. Huge, rabid fan bases. NFL stars galore. Storied franchises. A billion-dollar stadium. A million-and-one angles. Lockout on the horizon. Google. iPhone. Twitter. To my knowledge, this is the only event in history that could bring together the likes of A-Rod, Harry Ford, Fergie, Aaron Rodgers and Brian Carriveau.

*It is just so damn amazing what happened yesterday… last week… this whole season that I can’t wrap my head around it. I want to relive it all – preferably through a 3D virtual reality, multi-sensory adventure designed by James Cameron. (I will probably just buy Super Bowl XLV Champions DVD instead.)

*I just heard on Green and Gold that this could be the greatest year in Wisconsin sports history. Badger football in the Rose Bowl, Packers SB champs, Brewers may make the playoffs, etc. I find it funny (because it’s true) that the Lombardi trophy can compensate for shortcomings in the other teams.

*The Super Bowl ads were weak, again. I give a lot credit to the ad agencies for this – just how in the hell did you convince your client to spend millions of dollars on such uncreative, retreaded garbage? Next year, call the Ranter. We work for meat and cheese.

*Isn’t it amazing the way we neutralized Troy Polamalu and James Harrison? Polamalu was Defensive Player of the Year and Harrison finished third. They combined for a whopping four tackles and one sack. Folks, that is all about great game-planning and an amazing performance by Rodgers to read, react, avoid them, etc. SB MVP is right.

*I let myself down by not getting around to designing a poster like I did for the NFC Championship game. There were so many great compliments for that one. Make no mistake, it’s on my mind and something I am all but guaranteeing will happen soon. I am currently on the hunt for some inspiration, which will probably come in the form of medieval warrior or futuristic concept art. Be on the lookout!

*Congratulations to the Packers in every way possible. I literally like every single guy (to varying degrees) on the team, and am happy for them all. This was not only a team win, this was also an organizational win. This has class and dynasty written all over it. It's good to be a Packer fan.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Pick Him

Green Bay Packers
Human Resources
1265 Lombardi Ave
Green Bay, WI 54307

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to express my enthusiastic recommendation for Franklin Hillside to be the first-ever Packers Draft Room Hydration and Sustenance Specialist.

Outside of Leinenkugels, hyperbole and the classic movie Willow, I rarely make such passionate endorsements. But Franklin is the exception. He is knowledgeable, considerate and quick on his feet. So fleet are his feet in fact, that he could make a strong case for special teams. (With the sometimes noticeable absence of Tracy White, please keep that in mind.)

Equal parts Grill Master and Master Bartender, Franklin’s expertise is only limited by the imagination. I once saw him roll a string of sausages using only his feet while mixing Mojitos in one hand and resuscitating an albino squirrel in the other. Keep in mind this is all while he was blackout drunk off Everclear and Mad Dog 20/20! Obviously, the man knows how to party, and just as importantly, be productive. Just imagine what he can accomplish sober!

I know what you’re thinking – that there must be a catch. You’re thinking this guy’s either insanely expensive or just mentally unstable, likely to get caught selling Jolly’s jock strap on ebay or start tickling Ted mid-pick or something. These are legitimate concerns and I will answer them in order. 1) Franklin will work for free or close to it and 2) he has not been committed yet to my knowledge (joking, but seriously). To sum it up, Franklin Hillside as your Draft Room Hydration and Sustenance Specialist is an idea so crazy it just might work.

Feel free to contact me for anything further. Just not Tuesdays. And never before 10 am. Weekends are 50/50. Any other time should work.

Regards,

Robert Greenfield
Google requires us to state we use third-party advertising, who may use information (not including your name, address, email, or phone) about your visits to provide ads of possible interest. For more information or to opt out, click here.
To contact us or to advertise, email packerranter {at} yahoo.com