Nerd Alert

This is a very rare and difficult thing for someone with such Packer pride, but this week I’d actually like to extend my praise to some of the Vikings players, notably the ones named Bernard Berrian, Percy Harvin, Adrian Peterson, Chester Taylor and Sidney Rice. These five purple-toting pigskinners comprise the elite group I have dubbed Penta Lambda.

Let’s say you were playing a fill-in-the-blanks kind of game and you were told that five guys names Bernard, Percy, Adrian, Chester and Sidney were all on the same team – what kind of team would you guess they were on? Maybe chess, sewing or table tennis? Nope. What about math or some sort of church group? NOT EVEN. These are the names of musclebound, tattooed manly men who play professional football for the Vikings of Minnesota.

Not since Revenge of the Nerds has such a powerhouse of dorkville names come together. When R.O.N. was made at the height of Nerd Power, the creators actually concepted the names Bernard, Percy, Adrian, Chester and Sidney as the stars, but studio executives felt that was just too nerdy and thus unbelievable. Instead, they went with the backup names of Louis, Gilbert, Arnold, Harold and Lamar, who we all love to this day. However, if there ever was going to be a backstory film about the original TriLambs (cross your fingers my screenplay gets optioned!), a large part of the Vikings offense would likely have starring roles waiting for them, or at least be able to sell the rights to their Penta Lambda names.

I’m sure no one ever expected a shy, stout young lad called Chester to grow up and play smashmouth football for the Ravens and Vikings. Nor could anyone predict a young Virginian youth named Percy in 1999 to content for Rookie of the Year in 2009. That’s why I say, congratulations guys. You’ve overcome the odds of having some of the most unwanted dorky names for guys in history to become some really impressive beauhunk Stan Gables.