Do You Choose Battle Or Truce?

A solitary man stands on a small ridge, his stoic face set in grim acceptance of what lies before him. A flag planted in the hard ground next to him whips in the stiff autumn breeze. The flag is simple, nothing more than a green background with several white diagonal lines crossing it. In the distance, the man sees a solitary figure moving toward him along the ridge, his silhouette outlined against the gray sky. His pace is neither fast nor slow, but steady and determined. The second man approaches the first, glances up at the flag, and simply says, “Ditto.” They nod to each other and turn to the broad plain stretched out before them.

A loud, blood-curdling scream erupts from behind them. Both men tense and reach for their swords as they turn. A third man, shirtless and painted completely in green with white diagonal stripes is sprinting towards them. Both men relax, and marvel at the long, flowing hair trailing the man, the mane in sharp contrast to the close-cropped, flat locks that adorn the crown of his head. He stops next to the two men, salutes the green flag, thumps his right fist to his chest and smiles, “It’s a great day for party.”

The three turn back and survey the expansive plain spread out before them. The first man grips the hilt of his sword, repeatedly twisting his gloved hand slowly around it, the other hand propped up on an enormous shield. The shield is scratched and battered, the large “G” adorning its front side barely able to be seen. The second man leans on an ornate longbow and flicks the bowstring absently as he stares ahead. The third man, alternately hopping back and forth on his bare, calloused feet, pounds a giant club into the damp turf, mud splattering with every impact. He carries no other weapon…other than a look of crazed anticipation, a look that has struck fear into the heart of many a battled-hardened man.

The three men stare ahead, undaunted by what faces them. Across a muddy expanse of grass strewn with cleaved helmets, broken spears, and rusted swords, all remnants of past battles, stands a horde of blood-thirsty warriors. These warriors are adorned in shiny, new battle garb. Much of their raiment still has the manufacturers' tags. Each warrior carries a handheld device, from which they rarely remove their eyes. At the rear of the army stands a giant screen, the images portrayed upon it are impossible to discern from actual living, breathing beings. Huge speakers blast what the opposing army must consider to be music, but to the three, it sounds like a mortally wounded dragon, screeching in pain as it slowly succumbs to its wounds.


The first man steps forward. He looks up the at the simple flag behind him and sighs before addressing the enemy horde. In a booming voice, the ruggedly handsome warrior begins to speak, "You have entered our lands without leave to do so. Yes, these are lands that we once shared. Yes, we have been allies in the past, but you have succumbed to a magic spell cast by a dark wizard. This wizard has succeeded in distracting you from what we both once shared, a need and love for a common castle and those that dwell within, as well as all that accompanied it: much food, flowing libations, and competitions of strength and skill. We have expressed our allegiance to the olden ways, a simpler time, when these competitions were more pure, and bright lights, loud music, and visions on a screen did not distract from these competitions. Our fondness for the plain green with stripes is not a rejection of the current state of affairs, but rather an appreciation of where the kingdom has come from. The appreciation of the old armor in shades of blue, gold, and brown is not an indication of disdain for the current green and gold."


The third man slams his club into the ground and whispers, "Are we going to do battle, or monologue them into submission?"


The second warrior chuckles, as the first continues, "Rather this is a way of honoring our forefathers and their subjects, brave men and women who have served this kingdom for eons prior to us. Respect for them is something to be nutured, not swept away and rejected. If you wish to ignore them, and move forward without them, scorning their ways and views as simplistic and backward, you will have to do so over our breathless corpses. You do not have to change and go back to their ways, but we will not be scorned for our belief that their ways must be honored."


Members of the warrior horde glance at each other, doubt slowly creeping into their minds. They...


Awww, jeez, I just can't keep this up...I LIKED THE PLAIN END ZONES WITH THE WHITE STRIPES. Sue me. I also love the throwbacks, brown pants, brown helmet included. You're free to disagree, but you'll have to do it while I wear my new Acme Packers winter hat.


Go, Pack. Now...who needs some mead?

Hear That? That's the Sound of Awesome Sauce

GOIBER (n.) An acronym, which stands for "Greenfield's Observations, Inventions, Brainstorms & Experiments Room." Also known as my basement.

GOIBER rule #14: No matter what the purpose of entry, bring enough sustenance* to last eight days – you never know what could happen.

*Acceptable forms of sustenance include, but are not limited to, jerky, water, alcohol, Cheez It’s® and gummi bears.

Good ideas can come from anyone. Great ideas require a little more – ingenuity, passion, the courage to forge ahead despite your family, friends, coworkers and trolls calling you a damned fool. That, and a secret room.

Some time ago, after getting twisted in my vacuum cord for the umpteenth time, I decided to do something about it. I locked myself for a week in my GOIBER, determined to formulate a mathematical solution for cordless electricity based only on the principles derived from the Faraday cage and Mortal Kombat’s Raiden. But I lacked true focus. Theories led to tangents which led to endless streams of disruptive equations. It was ugly. Then the Dirt Devil came out, and life was good again.

As a Packer fan, you are undoubtedly excited about the recently announced stadium expansion, which will create a so-called “wall of sound.” According to the Packers, these new 6,600 seats in the South End Zone will make a “tremendous impact on the noise level of the stadium.” To me it, it’s like sound on steroids (which, at the moment, cannot be tested but once enough stadiums adopt this practice, the regulatory dweebs with surely intercede...groan).

Until we experience this new and improved G-Force for ourselves, it will have to be left to the imagination. But as novice idea generator myself, I want to give the Packers their due props for this concept. It could, in some way, revolutionize the Lambeau experience – a thought so powerful one can only presume it came from the mysterious LOIBER (Lombardi’s Observations, Inventions, Brainstorms & Experiments Room) hidden deep within the bosom of Lambeau Field.

Well done, Packers. Well done indeed.



The Dominating Trees - Live at Stadium View 2011

Trolling the interwebs yesterday afternoon, I was insanely pleased to find out that the Indomitable Brian Carriveau has begun his Best & Worst Case Scenario series over at Cheesehead TV. If you are unfamiliar with these pieces, Brianimal takes each position group on the Packers and gives the best and worst possible outcome for each player for the upcoming season. Yesterday, he attacked my favorite position: the tight ends.

I'm not usually one to criticize anyone else's writing or opinions, or even their choice of favorite cheese curds (I mean you've seen some of the stuff I've written here, it's amazing the Guardians of the Intertubes even let me on the internet). However, I found one small omission from Brian's piece on the Packers' tight ends, an omission I thought important enough to share with Packer fans. This omission comes under the "Best Case Scenario: Tom Crabtree".  Knowing Brian's thoroughness (he's a good man and he's thorough), I'm sure this second paragraph was edited out due to space concerns against his strong arguments. We here at The Ranter have no such space restrictions, and we felt we should share this potential scenario for Mr. Crabtree.

Tom Crabtree
Best Case Scenario (Paragraph 2):

In addition to his work on the field, Tom starts a three-piece alt/metal band called, The Dominating Trees. The Trees, as they are known to their loyal fan base, get a standing gig playing at Stadium View following Packers' home games. Starting out playing Jane's Addiction covers, Tom (lead guitar, vocals) begins writing his own songs. The Trees gradually work these into their set list and receive favorable responses from the drunken revelers celebrating Packers' victories at Stadium View. One of these songs, "Crabmeat", starts getting requested more and more. Noticing this popularity, record mogul Aaron Rodgers invites The Trees to his studio during the bye week. They record four original songs, and distribute the album to Green Bay radio stations. The response is positive, but it doesn't reach much farther than Wausau. However, due to Tom's prodigious promotion on Twitter, "Crabmeat", catches on nationally. The video, a live taping at Stadium View, goes viral on YouTube, and sales on iTunes skyrocket. "Crabmeat" eventually debuts at #79 on the Billboard Charts. With the increased exposure of a 2nd Super Bowl appearance, and strong showing there: 3 catches 46 yards and a TD, The Trees are able to schedule a four state midwest tour in the Spring of 2012, culminating with an appearance with punter and funnyman Chris Kluwe's band, Tripping Icarus, at First Avenue in Minneapolis.

All in all, a good year for Tom Crabtree.

Keep up the great work, Brian!

Put Me At the Kids’ Table – I Don’t Care

Dear Green Bay Packers Representative,

Did you know that recent studies have indicated that it’s almost impossible to coordinate schedules of more than 20 working professionals at a time? Pretty sad state of affairs these days, eh? And while an impactful reminder of the modern proliferation of sometimes fruitless commitments and meetings, this scientific data harkens to a more relevant topic: your trip to the White House this Friday.

With a contingent of over 100 players and personnel in the Packers organization scheduled to attend, it’s reasonable to expect that several people simply won’t be able to make it. This could make for quite the awkward situation with the president wouldn’t you say? I mean, can you imagine the leader of the free world up at the podium, riffing on the Packers/Bears rivalry and then suddenly seeing empty seats in the audience!? Talk about traumarama!

To help you prepare and cover yourselves, I would like to propose a solution: ME. That is, consider my hat thrown into the proverbial ring of substitute attendees. As a lifelong Packer fan, I will gladly serve the organization by assuming one of the empty seats and help you avoid embarrassment.

I can send pics and a resume, but take my word that I would fit in. Physically, I’m no Don Driver, but I am no suburban slouch, either. I can run a mile in under 8 minutes, do 30 pushups (probably) and have been complimented on more than one occasion on my calf definition. In other words, you’ll probably want to put me with special teams. If that doesn’t work, just say I’m an equipment intern. Heck, put me at the kids table – I don’t care. I’ll even bring my own chair and bust out my tuxedo.

In addition, here is a short list of other worthy substitutes, all of whom I have researched thoroughly and possess the qualities being a team player, obedience and major Packer pride you are looking for while being represented at our nation's capitol.

Franklin Hillside. Not only is he Editor in Cheese, his knowledge of vintage Green Bay restaurant uniforms can carry a conversation until the sun comes up over Pennsylvania Avenue.

Alex Tallitsch. Sure he’s ornery and stubborn, but he’s only of only two people who knows what it feels like to wear Tom Crabtree’s Super Bowl ring.

Tracy White. Let’s be honest – he was the best player in the history of special teams. We could all finally be at peace with Ted Thompson’s most egregious mistake by inviting this incredible super-man for a nice meal.

Please confirm my attendance by Thursday night as I would have to withdraw from Anduzzi’s deep-fried butter eating competition and get a dog sitter.

Your loyal servant,

Robert Greenfield

Caption Contest

Apparently Pee Wee Herman “stopped by” Cowboys training camp last last week. Why? No reason was given, which makes for the perfect opportunity to make something up! Just look at Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones - he seems to be just glowing while getting this picture next to (a now 60-year old) Pee Wee Herman. That should be PLENTY to go off of.


So, have at it - post your best caption in the comments section. There's no prize, but if we get a bunch of comments, we're all winners.

We Didn't Start the Fire

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for our lack of posts over the past 5 months. While Robert and I should have been gloating over the Packers ascension to the peak of NFL dominance, the lockout had successfully crushed our creative juices...that, or maybe we just got lazy, fat, and drunk. Something about losing your edge when you have nothing left to prove?

Let me tell you something, fat and drunk (we will never admit to stupidity) is no way to go through life. We realized we needed to get back in shape, and fast.  So to get back to peak form, Robert and I embarked on a rigorous training regime by competing in a Fantasy Writing League. The league was really just Robert and I, and by "Fantasy" I mean we wrote fantasy stories about Gwarnac The Battle Dwarf and his rag-tag group of freedom fighters. "Long live, GWARNAC!" Okay, okay, if there's one thing I've learned, no one outside of your league wants to hear about your fantasy team, so I'll move on...

Robert's greatest pastime, other than his prolific dating, is building fires. The last time we went to his cabin, he and our buddy Brats (Yeah, that's his real name.) played in the fire pit for hours. Amid the shrieks of joy and explosions of flame, it was hard to tell if the two had ever had more fun in their lives. Therefore, I thought I would try that here. It's not like I can burn The Ranter down, right? I'll be safe about it and take a page from Robert Greenfield's Book of Outdoor Lore, page 37, paragraph 3: "So you want to keep a fire going? Throw some gas on it!"

Here's the fire: Nnamdi Asomugha to the Packers. This fire of absurdity seems to be burning through the interwebs lately. Sure, this fire warms the body and mind with thoughts of an impenetrable phalanx of Packers' defensive backs. Im. Pen. E. Trable. What is already a great defensive backfield, would be the best, by a large margin. I know what you're thinking: "Is this guy actually going to jump on board this rumor that would bring the highest priced free agent to Lambeau in 2011? He certainly doesn't have any sources with knowledge of the situation. However, he does look fairly gullible, though, and could just believe everything he reads...maybe he really is going to try to give credence to this rumor."

You're right, I don't have any sources, I can be gullible, and I'm pretty sure "The Lord of the Rings" is non-fiction, but even I can't get behind this rumor. It's so far outside of Ted Thompson's modus operandi that he's more likely to bring me in for a tryout at left guard then do this, so I will not being adding fuel to it...
...
...
Hmmm...
...
...
...you know what?  If there's one thing that I've learned through the course of Ted Thompson's tenure, it's that the only thing that would surprise me is if he didn't do something that surprised me. If I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet, it wouldn't be more surprising than him signing Nnamdi Asomugha....and that's just enough reason for him to do it. Well, there's your gas on the rumor fire. I hope your singed eyebrows grow back quickly.

Post Script - I have heard from my sources that in addition to this signing, Ted will most likely trade BJ Raji, demote Mike McCarthy, put a roof on Lambeau Field, and start a yoga studio in Appleton. Someone throw some gas on these fires too....

Chico Suave

Made this months ago, just never posted. With the lockout ending, seems like a great time to celebrate.

For those of you who don’t know, Aaron Rodgers is from Chico, California and Clay Matthews is a spokesperson for Suave hair products. Add the championship belts they’re holding, and you have the formation of the NFL’s best tag team duo: CHICO SUAVE.

Go Pack!

PSA From The Ranter Ministry Of Information

I have a good feeling this lockout nonsense will be resolved soon. I think the 6 of you reading this should too. My anger at both sides and fear of lost games has subsided, and now I'm just waiting. However, should I find my faith wavering, I'm just going to look at this piece of propaganda from The Ranter Ministry of Information and chill out. 

You should do the same. Carry on.

In the Lot

She was busty and bubbly and all sorts of feisty. Along with her menthol-smoking meathead boyfriend who supposedly knew Tanker, she had stopped by our after-party tailgate tent. Char was her name. I especially remember that because I jokingly called her “Charcoal” upon meeting her. She scowled and snapped, “the last asshole to call me that was in 7th grade and I knocked him in the nuts so hard he had to go home for the day.” I was in love.

It was week 5 of 2005 and the Packers hadn’t given much to cheer about up to that point. The Saints came into town and we took out our 0-4 frustrations on them by lighting them up 52-3 on a pleasant early October afternoon. The game felt over well before halftime and the Packers put it on cruise control the rest of the way, giving Tanker and I plenty of time to get back to the tent and get things ready for the usual run of maniacs who liked to stop by and have a few and maybe dance and little, too.

“Just look for the boxers!” This is what we told people to look for – the XXXL pair of yellow Packer boxers we strung up atop a twenty-foot pole by the tent. “Or listen for the G&R!” I added, already thinking about popping in Appetite for Destruction as soon as we got back.

Soon, I noticed Char bouncing toward the tent and singing along to “Sweet Child of Mine,” a good sign if there ever was one. She pounded the last third of her beer and flicked the can ten feet whirling into the garbage, another good sign. I popped another one and handed it to her, which she graciously accepted. We introduced ourselves and after she told me about her famous middle-school swift kick to the testicles of yesteryear, we eventually bonded both over our shared appreciation of Tony Fisher catching balls out of the backfield and our hatred of BJ Sander and the pathetic punting situation.

The normal crowd was there, too. Creeper, Lefty, Bowler, Stiffy, Big Pop, Sandypants and Candy Corn had all stopped by as planned and imbibed and ingested and altogether consumed the party at hand. Normally, this would’ve suited me just fine but the bright prospects of this new chick called Char fixated all my energies. Thankfully, the guy she came with seemed more interested in bean bags and beer bongs that he left Char fend for herself among a crowd she didn’t know. But she handled everything like a deep-fried sprinkled cupcake – that is, nice to look at, easy to get along with and tons of fun all over.

I had just cockblocked Creeper’s sloppy advances toward her by blaring “The Bears Still Suck” and motioning her to dance. She started swinging my way and things were looking good with makeout potential when all of the sudden her douche-canoe Newport 100 Neanderthal stepped in and said it was time for them to leave. It was clear Char was bummed because of all the fun but they were late for something else possibly just as great. I got a hug and she told me to stay cool and she hoped to see me down the line. I stood there as she walked away listening “the Bears still suck, the Bears still suck, the Bears still suck” taunting and couldn’t help but think that guy is the one who sucked and her relationship with him sucked and now this tailgate party sucked and now I was going to have a sucky time the rest of the sucky afternoon.

I got ripped and barked around the parking lot for a Roman knuckles match with some beer-bellied bruiser and maybe some pickled perch – something powerful to distract me from the heartbreak I was experiencing. But the buzzkill burned and I scared away the kid from Kimberly by beating my chest like a crazed gorilla. I eventually lumbered back to the tent where Tanker had picked up and was ready to go.

“Where were you?” he asked. I had no response. It didn’t matter. “I’m supposed to give this to you.” And Tanker handed me a receipt for hamburger buns from the Piggly Wiggly.

On the back was a hand-written number, a smiley face, and “Charcoal” written in cursive.

Top 20 Reasons To Prolong The Lockout

The other day Max from over at Purple Pants Green Jersey mentioned that he was fed up with everyone writing Top Ten lists in the absence of any real football news. Despite his frustration with the many lists being made, he indicated he would read a Ranter list.

It may not be exactly what you asked for, but here you go, Max. Don't say we never you gave you anything.

Top 20 Reasons to Prolong the Lockout:

1. People love to complain. Love it. Myself included. If the lockout ended, everyone would have one less thing to complain about. Sad.
2. No preseason games.
3. If there's no football, baseball will once again become America's pastime. A sport where tobacco products are openly used, crotch-grabbing is encouraged, and awful facial hair is a part of the uniform should never have left the top spot. (In all seriousness, I love baseball but not on Sundays in the Fall)
4. Those team employees were making way too much money. It's about time the owners have a legitimate reason for cutting their pay, slashing their benefits, and enforcing furloughs. Well done owners. I mean, in a multi-billion dollar industry, the guy with 3 kids, making $40K a year is a real problem. NFL owners aren't welfare agencies after all.
5. If there's no football, the Green Bay Packers will be World Champs for eternity...which is as it should be.
6. As long there is no season, none of the numerous Packers now on Twitter can institute a "no-tweeting-during-the-season"policy. 
7. I've almost perfected the Sunday morning pot of coffee and cover-to-cover paper read. If the lockout ends, this diligent work will be tossed out the window. My Sundays will consist of watching countless hours of pregame, agonizing over fantasy football decisions, and prepping food for the game....or heading to a Packer bar, in which case the whole day is shot, most likely leading to a rough Monday morning, or rougher Monday morning than usual.
8. No Cris Carter.
9. Still no Cris Carter.
10. "I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry." Sorry, that has nothing to do with the lockout, but Commando is on TV at the moment.
11. I can avoid the mind-numbingly boring drive from Minneapolis to Green Bay and back again on Highway 29. The awfulness of this drive is only accentuated when it's made on a Monday morning after a late night victory celebration at Stadium View. 
12. I really, truly enjoy doing household chores on Sunday. Really. Love it. I would never, ever, want something to come between me and a vacuum cleaner, lawn mower, washing machine, toilet bowl cleaner, or weed whacker. Football does, and I hate football for that reason.
13. With no football, my conversations with people will focus on quantum physics, the writings of Thomas Paine, organic chemistry, and the poetry of Keats and Byron....or at the very least why Ron Swanson is the greatest character on TV. Diversifying my conversation topics will be good for me.
14. The offseason is the time of joyous optimism for the Detroit Lions and their fans. And why shouldn't it be? They have the same record as everyone else, and everyone is healthy. However, every year once the season starts their hopes and dreams come crashing back down to earth. With no lockout, this optimism can continue uninterrupted. Detroit needs this. (This one was for our newest South Florida reader who happens to be a Lions fan. We can't all be perfect.)
15. An extended lockout will give me more time to ponder and document Tracy White's latest feats of strength, wisdom, and virility. The list is long and ever-growing...
16. This may happen. (Great idea, David)
17. More lists! Sorry, Max, I love lists. Especially really meaningful ones.
18. With no football, there's no fantasy football, so I won't have to keep beating Robert in the semi-finals of our league. I really think being so close and coming up just short of the Championship is getting to him. What did he expect, though, when he drafted Favre last year? 
19. They say that necessity is the mother of invention, with no football, someone may invent the greatest new sport since Frisbeer.
20. YOU KNOW WHAT?!?! @#$% IT! The longer you drag out this lockout, the better the chance that I could end up not caring about the NFL in the least. Not caring would save me time, money, and stress, not to mention the fact that I would probably lose 20 pounds from not eating my weight in bratwurst and drinking enough beer to kill a medium-sized horse every season. DAMN! I could be so lucky. So go for it. Keep it up. See where it gets you. I'm betting I'm not the only one that will walk away shaking my damn head.

NFL Lockout

That is all.

The 2011 NFL Equipment Intern Draft

Lost in all the hubbub of the NFL Draft was the annual Equipment Intern Draft (EID). Each year, hundreds of applicants enter this draft in hopes of landing a coveted internship position on a real NFL teams’ equipment staff. For those unfamiliar with the EID, the process is very similar to the NFL Draft in that all 32 teams pick in reverse order of the previous year’s standings – meaning the Panthers had the #1 pick while the Packers had the #32. But unlike the NFL Draft, each team is only allowed one intern and thus it the draft consists of just one round.

Held in an undisclosed location on the East coast, the 2011 EID was attended by several HOF Equipment staffer such as a ‘Cranky’ Ted Dabole and ‘Jock Strap’ Kennedy. All 32 teams were represented including legendary Packers’ Equipment Manager Gordon ‘Red’ Batty, who has been with the organization the last 17 years.

EID week kicked off with the equipment version of the combine in which candidates undergo grueling physical tests such as sorting piles of game-used uniforms and the ever-popular helmet-waxing competition. Add to that a series equipment dilemma scenarios (Player X hates his shoes…and you!, etc.) and you can see why 30% of the candidates don’t make it past day two.

The day of the draft is unlike any other. There’s food to go along with every type of Gatorade known to man. The ceremony was kicked off with a sweet montage of the evolution of the shoulderpads and capped with the unveiling of the P7, a patent-pending solar-powered hybrid sock washer/dryer combo prototype, expected to become league-wide standard in 2014.

Carolina was first on the clock. Most teams generally take their entire 30 minutes to go over every last detail of the prospects and review trade offers. In an unprecedented turn of events, the NFL Equipment Commissioner approached the podium with those five famous words: “There has been a trade.”

“Green Bay has traded up from the number 32 pick in exchange for Carolina’s first overall. Green Bay will give Carolina this year’s 32nd pick as well as their draft picks for the next five years. And now, with the first selection in the 2011 NFL Equipment Intern Draft Sponsored by Riddell: The Official Football Helmet of the NFL, the Green Bay Packers select….James Jobworthy.”

As customary, a video profile of the selected intern is shown. Due to NFL trademark restrictions, I was only allowed the transcript:

James “Jimmy Job” Jobworthy is a graduate from Penn State’s storied “Equipmentlethics” sports equipment program. He holds degrees in both Inventory Management and Sports Equipment Philosophy. Like most equipment prospects, Jimmy Job has been water- and ball-boyin’ since puberty. He has been described as a ‘go-getter,’ ‘an invaluable asset to any equipment staff’ and possesses uncanny ability to customize shoes. His senior thesis “The Things We Could Do, But Don’t For One Reason or Another” about personalized jersey folding has since been adopted as best practice by the NFL’s Equipment Forum and has inspired two screenplays.

James "Jimmy Job" Jobworthy Analysis: It’s so hard to give equipment draft grades. Yes, on paper this looks like a steal – even mortgaging the future for this guy. It’s clear the kid’s got spunk and I believe he will do very well. But it would be hard for anyone to fulfill these lofty expectations. I truly wish him the best. I’ll give the Packers an “A” for now but ask me to regrade in 10 years.

We're All Getting Sick of This Crap

Hey, owners, players, judges, lawyers, and whoever else, get something done. Now.

...you're still reading this? I thought I said get something done, and I thought I said now!

Need Green Bay Lodging on the Cheap?

Robert and I noticed there was some anger and disappointment following the release of the 2011 Packers schedule. This anger stems from Packer fans being subjected to overpriced accommodations while staying in Green Bay during game weekends. This price increase would be justified if the level of services and amenities were raised, but I have my doubts that the Motel 6 will not only leave the light on for you, but they will stock your mini-fridge with Spotted Cow, fresh cheese curds, and beef sticks, and also provide you with a limo ride to 1265 complete with champagne and bratwurst. It's gotten to be somewhat out of control. Most fans, myself included, can't drop a mortgage payment on two nights in a lumpy bed. Therefore, Robert and I have put together a short review of a hotel... ummm... motel... ummm...building where we stayed one year. We believed that the savings accommodation would allow for our limited funds to be used on food, drink, and petrol, which they did. So, if your liquid assets are dwindling, you might consider Green Bay's Economy Inn. Might being the operative word.

Looking for an alternative to the price-gouging done by chain hotels during Packer game day weekends? Look no further than the $40 a night Economy Inn of Green Bay. Who knows what kind of exciting people you'll meet during your stay? Drug dealers, women of the night, criminals and generally seedy characters of all kinds lurk and loom in the dimly lit hallways, traveling in and out of their rooms like drunken worker bees at all hours of the night.

The rooms have an interesting design scheme with lime green painted cinder-block walls, mismatched bedspreads, and shadeless lamps. The smell of stale cigarettes, sweat, and and cheap booze permeates the room (and your clothes when you leave). The bathroom, while not dirty, wasn't exactly clean, but according to Robert, it was spacious and offered plenty of room to kneel and even lay down!

For those time-crunched and celebration weary travelers, checking in and out is a breeze. Sure you may have to scribble a signature when you arrive, but at the Economy Inn, identification is not required. In the morning, simply hand off two Andrew Jacksons on your way to your car (provided it's still there) without any questions asked, despite whatever loud, ominous screams that may or may not have been reverberating the hallways the night before.

Other $40 motels just cannot match the total hospitality package that includes a key, gravel parking lot, fecal smell and general feeling of being robbed at knifepoint at any time. Oh, and if you have anything you may not want anymore, a camera, CDs, a half empty case of beer, just leave it in your car, it's sure to be gone in the morning.

Hope this review helps when you are weighing your lodging options in Green Bay. We're not convinced it will, as most of our readers seem to have a slightly more advanced level of common sense then we do, but oh well. Go Pack!

Best of the Ranter so Far

Franklin and I have been Ranting since Rodgers took over in Green Bay. I put together some of the highlights from those last 3+ years. For those that have followed us, I hope this brings back some memory LOLs. For those new to us, maybe this will make you want to go check out some of our previous Rants. In either case, enjoy!

This video is also posted on Youtube here.

Jayme Lee Family Photo

Along with a gently used flannel and a sweet collectible mug, I recently purchased this photo at a thrift store in Milwaukee for $5 plus tax. I bought it because it reminded me of one of my favorite 80s bands, Journey. Man, they were SO HOT for a while and I’ve always said if you haven’t air-drummed to Don’t Stop Believin’, you haven’t lived.

As I was mounting the picture in my garage above the weight bench and next to the boom box, something strange happened. The more I looked at it, the picture reminded me of my Uncle Chichi and his family. But the even MORE I looked at it, I realized it resembled Packers’ blogger Jayme Joers. And not just the picture in the middle with the subtle yet prevalent chest hair, either. In fact, the whole family looked like her! I said to myself, “Hey self, you have to post this and get a 2nd opinion.”

In all seriousness, if you follow her on Twitter (@jaymelee1), you may have noticed Jayme's had about 5 million blood draws recently. While probably not that painful in itself, I got the impression she was getting drained (no pun intended) and frustrated. Since she’s such a nice lady and friendly neighbor of ours, I was hoping this picture might cheer her up. As I told her, I made it for one simple reason: to give her a LOL. While I failed to complete this goal, I am happy to say she gave it a “HA HA HA HA HA HA” instead. Cheers, Jayme.

New At The Pro Shop: Lambeau Field Lockout Kraut

I don't feel sorry for anyone in this lockout other than the staff of the Packers. Staff who, while they have not yet, may be forced to take an involuntary pay cut, or if things drag on, a vacation. Personally, I think that's unacceptable. I love days off and vacations as much as the next big, fat, party animal, but forced vacations are just not cool. This is even more true when the cause of the forced all-day happy hour is because two sides can't sit down and negotiate like adults.

In order to protect these hardworking folks who make the Green Bay Packers run like the Super Bowl winning machine they are from losing their livelihood, I have come up with a moneymaking scheme. A scheme so simplistic, you'd think someone would have thought of it already, especially someone on the grounds crew. In the absence of training camp and possibly a portion of the season, I suggest planting row upon row of cabbage on the practice fields and Lambeau itself and when the crop is ready, making Lambeau Field Lockout Kraut. I can't think of a better way to create a source of funds for staff payroll in the absence of football. People will flock from regions far and wide to get a tour of the cabbage crops and the pickling room (I suggest the visitors' lockerroom, as the smell will linger long after the lockout has ended). Following the tours, people will clamor for a bratwurst condiment grown and produced at the home of the Packers.

I personally plan on buying two giant tubs and mounding this delectable pickled cabbage product on the first brat I eat when celebrating the eventual start of football...whenever that may be. I can also feel proud of myself that I am helping out the good folks who work at 1265 Lambeau.

Remember, it's important to not only support the team, but to support the whole Packer family.

Top 10 from '10-'11

Recently the Packers picked the top 10 moments from the 2011 season. Robert and I thought we’d do the same, with a more personal view of the top 10 moments. Without further adieu, The Packer Ranter Top 10 moments of the 2011 season:

Robert's Top 5:

5) The smackoff beatdowns against a Vikings blog. Franklin and I each took a turn going toe-to-toe with Vikings Gab (“Gab” – really?) in some trash talking and posted the exchanges. In both instances, the Ranter CLEARLY won and to be honest, it wasn’t even close (here’s the first, and the second). We were actually kind of surprised how unfunny, uncreative and derivative the Vikings blogger was. What really became clear was the obnoxiousness and general mental imbalance of Vikings fans as a whole. Just read this comment posted after Franklin’s smackoff. I mean, WTF.

“Nice job, Adam. You’re still undefeated. Imagine… actually trying to defend the Packers in an exchange like this. I would give the guy an A for effort, but since he lives in Minnesota, he’s a traitor, so I give him nothing!”

4) November 21 at Minnesota. The Packers had escaped a near-miraculous comeback by Brent at Lambeau earlier in the year and you know he was eyeing this next matchup more than anything else. Could he provide the Vikings with more magic? Answer: Not even close. The Vikings scored a FG at 6 minutes in the 1^st quarter and the Packers scored the next 31. Favre was all over, going 17-38 for 200 yards and a pick while Rodgers had over 300 yards and 4 TDs. That win would put the Vikings out of it, get Childress fired and put Favre squarely in the rearview of public interest for good.

3) The 49er game on 12/5. Met up with @michaelcainlaw and @71sweet71 among others at Stadium View before layering up to see a 34-16 whooping put on by the Packers. Witnessed the debut of James “Neo” Starks and saw the GREATEST touchdown by Driver in his career (did you know he woke up that morning with food poisoning, too?). And then there was TurboDumps.

2) BJ Raji’s TD in the NFC Championship Game. I knew we would win this game beyond a shadow of a doubt and early on it was looking like that would be the case. But in came 3^rd stringer Caleb Hanie to replace Todd Collins who had replaced Jay “Hanes Her Way” Cutler and somehow the Bears were within a TD early in the 4^th quarter. It was looking like a classic Bears “despite everything that went wrong so far, we could still win this” game. If Twitter was any indicator, Packer nation was beginning to freak out. And along comes BJ Raji with an INT-TD followed by his best Susan Boyle impression. Folks, I was so fricken relieved and giddy it wouldn’t have been surprised if I peed my pants and I would not have cared.

1) The Super Bowl. What an incredible, odds-defying year. So happy for the players and so proud of the organization. To be a fan of the Green Bay Packers and experience all the drama and storylines and naysayers along the way only come out victorious in the end has to be right up there with the best feeling in the world. I can’t help but smile just thinking about it. World Champions, baby. World Champions.

Franklin's Top 5:

5) I like roller-coasters. If there was a season that was as much of a roller-coaster ride, please let me know...I'll wait. For those who would prefer a safer, more predictable season, the ferris wheel is that way.

4) Thanks to Mary, (@gbpf127) Season Ticket Holder and Horticulturist extraordinaire, I was able to attend the 49ers game with a good friend of the Ranter who lives in Appleton. The ensuing pregame festivities at Stadium View with Robert, and those mentioned above, was how Packer gameday should be: beer, food, friends…and a shot or two. Robert detailed the game perfectly, so I won’t go into that, however I would like to thank Mary once again. I threw out a tweet and by the end of the day was buying Mary’s fantastic tickets. Her generous nature allowed me to go to the game and meet up with good friends and watch some great football.

3) The week before the NFC Championship game I got an email from Robert. No subject, no text, just a solitary JPEG attachment called “PackersWallpaper”.  Following a quick click of the mouse…I had to spend the next 10 minutes wiping coffee off my desk, monitor, and keyboard. Still makes me smile when I see it. 

2) Living in Minneapolis, I know, and, yes, have even befriended numerous Vikings fans. I hosted a small gathering for the 2^nd matchup between the Good Guys and the Bad Guys. True the outcome of the game couldn’t have been more satisfying, but the really enjoyable part of this day, aside from a guest bringing a large quantity of Spotted Cow, was the look on the Vikings fans faces through the course of the game. The utter despair, disheartened stares made for a joyous afternoon….then it turned to pity as the other Packer fans and I tempered our celebrations. You know things have gotten bad, when your hated rival pities you. I say we tempered celebrations, but the smug, satisfied looks on our faces belied  how much this victory meant to all present.  (Addendum: I had a few cocktails with the some Vikings fans recently and the level of their dejection and  utter lack of hope is semi-disturbing…and fully-hilarious. It couldn’t happen to worse organization.)

1) The capper on the season: Ben Rothlisberger’s pass falls to incomplete to Mike Wallace….the ensuing three-person, bouncing man-hug that sprayed beer over fellow patrons of The Herkimer was a thing of glory! I would have worried that we were annoying the surrounding Packer fans, except they were doing the same thing.  A bar full of celebrating Packer fans is a beautiful thing 1) to admire and 2) be a part of.  Not to mention the fine folks at Herkimer provided everyone with a giant brick of communal cheese from which to partake during the game, can’t ask for much more that, can you?

I'm Trying To Be Mad, But I Like The Celery And Olives Too Much

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but the NFL owners and players have pretty much sucked the pure enjoyment and thrill of Super Bowl XLV out of me. The constant bickering, name-calling, and chest-beating has become intolerable. The two sides are about as likable as Hans Gruber, the Sheriff of Nottingham, and Severus Snape combined into one smarmy master villain. A master villain who, instead of taking over Nakatomi Plaza, taxing his subjects to the brink of starvation, or persecuting a harmless schoolboy (all acceptable pastimes for a master villain), just constantly monologues about how he is in the right and his foe is a misguided, money-grubbing fool who is trying to steal everyone's hard-earned cash.

I hate the fact that labor strife has robbed me of my desire to gloat, to wallow in my consider pride at cheering for the Super Bowl Champs while living in the heart of the crumbling Viking empire. I hate the fact that each side thinks they can win a negotiation by leaking items to the media. I hate the fact that both sides have reduced themselves to acting like kindergartners arguing over a box of crayons when there is obviously more than enough crayons to go around if they'd just share.

I've tried to turn this hate into righteous rage, but at this point, it's really just helpless annoyance. It will only turn into a Bruce Banner-like freakout if we lose games.

...or not.

You see, when games are lost, I will be furious, but it will only make me angry in the same way that a long night of tequila makes me angry. You don't know that anger? The nauseous, head-splitting anger of "I'm never drinking again"? See? I knew you knew it. The thing is, eventually, I'll always come back. I'll come back because a spicy Bloody Mary with a celery stalk, pickle, pieces of sausage and cheese, and a few olives will ease the anger and pain. Much like a dart from Aaron Rodgers that threads between two bewildered defenders left shaking their heads and staring at their hands while Greg Jennings leaves them in the dust for six will ease the anger and pain.

This is the reason that both sides continue to do what they do, because they know I, like most fans, will come back. Headaches and nausea will only last so long. Owners and players know I enjoy a little vodka mixed with tomato juice like I enjoy Charles Woodson pick-sixes to help me get through my issues.

For some reason, this makes me disappointed in myself. Disappointed in myself like a morning spent hovering over the toilet worrying that last night's tequila will make a reappearance...

Meh....nothing that a bloody and NFL football won't cure. Eventually.

Charlie Sheen's Speech to the Packers

Below is the transcript from a recent Packers team meeting involving infamous Hollywood bad boy and Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen. Coupled with notes from our insider.

The players casually enter the meeting room and take their seats. McCarthy addresses them.

Mike McCarthy: OK guys, solid workout this morning. We’ve got a lot to look forward to tomorrow. But for now, I’m excited to bring in a very prominent figure recognized around the world. He’s been kind enough to take time out of his schedule to spend some time with us and we’re happy to bring him in. Without further ado, Charlie Sheen.

There’s some heavily sniffling outside the room and in marches Sheen. He looks intense – ready to explode. Even Ted Thompson can’t look directly into his eyes.

Sheen pauses, recalls something and shakes it out of his head.

Charlie Sheen: Sorry. Brain’s firing on more rocket-fueled cylinders these days than an F-18 gone supersonic, you know? There’s enough payload in the chamber to take on God and devil at the same time. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! Bring it, trolls.

Let me just clear the air on something here if you don’t mind, huh? Coach? No one brought me here, OK? It’s not like I got a call asking me to stop by. No – I CHOSE YOU. I went hunting through the universe on my ion-charged mercury surfboard for someone who could actually benefit from the magic I’m dishing out. And in the end, I chose YOU. Why? Because you are the Super Bowl Champions. WINNERS. And I ONLY work with people who WIN.

Sheen forcibly writes “WINNING” in caps on the white board and underlines it 4-5x.

Charlie Sheen (cont'd): Say it with me: WIN-NING. Feels good. Wherever we go, whatever we do, that’s just how we roll. Yeah, we’ve been down. I saw your season start to hit the skids with the injuries but you came back and WON. Hell, last month I was bangin’ seven-gram rocks off porn stars. Most people would be dead. Phrrt, amateurs. Not me. Not us. Winners.

Listen. From the moment we willed ourselves out of the womb to that moment when we will ascend to that other galactic realm and beyond, we will forever be winners. Tigerblood, man. That’s for life. And we’re not going to APOLOGIZE or PRETEND like we’re NOT rock stars from Mars. That’s our constitution and we own it. Plain and simple. TIGERBLOOD, MAN! So while you’re winning Super Bowls and I’m making history as the future of evolved human intelligence, the rest of the world can go ahead with their normal, everyday boring lives and their droopy-eyed armless children and watch from a distance in absolute awe as we, WINNERS, feast like gods on the power fruit of another terrestrial realm. Winning. And if that’s too gnarly for people, then buh-bye. Ah, excuse us. Out of our way – we’ve got more WINNING to do.

So what? You already know a little about winning and know how totally AWESOME it feels. Well, I will give you one second to brace your minds for a knowledge bomb death blow that could only be dealt by a Vatican assassin warlock overlord like me…. You and I – the Packers and the Sheeniac – we win. And together, we’re BI-WINNING. Boom. For those terrestrial-brained meat puppets who can’t comprehend that – bi-winning means WINNING ON TOP OF WINNING. OK? That’s like, more winning. RADICAL, I know. Together – mainly with my help – we’re going to be BI-WINNING Super Bowls for infinity.

Any questions? You, ginger, over there. I like what you got going on top of your head, you’re a WINNER, what’s your name?

Tim Masthay: Umm…thanks, Mr. Sheen, I’m Tim Masthay. Really, loved Hot Shots, by the way.

Charlie Sheen: Masthay? Thanks. Okay, shoot, what’s your question?

Tim Masthay: Any chance I can get a small bit of your Adonis DNA? I really think it could help me.

Charlie Sheen: You’re RIGHT, it would help you. I gave a bunch to Dr. Pat McKenzie just before I came in here, unfortunately it’s already been deemed an illegal PED by the NFL trolls. Sorry, Tim, but you’re already WINNING. You’ll be fine.

So, here’s my card. You may call me tomorrow between 11-11:15 after I love my Goddesses some more. I can unravel pretty quickly, so get the magic while it’s flowing, man. Just remember: Mercury surfboard. Tigerblood. Super Bowls. F-18. Winning. Vatican Assassin Warlock. More Winning. Tigerblood. Bi-Winning. Super Bowls. Boom. Sheen out.

More Meaningful: the ’96 or ’10 SB Team?

This question was recently posed to myself and a group of Packer fans. It made for such great debate I decided to ask around. Here’s what they said…

Tough question. Initially, I'm tempted to say '96 because it ended decades of futility and put an historic franchise back on the map. But for me personally, 2010 feels more meaningful because I am older and able to have a greater appreciation for how rare a SB victory is. Additionally, that '96 team was stacked and had SB expectations the whole season. Last year's team came in with high expectations, but a lot of folks jumped ship midway through the season when the injuries piled up, so overcoming that adversity and surprising everyone made the run more memorable.
~David

I gotta go with 2010. The way they did it was impressive. People counted them out as late as December. Also, for the simple fact that there's so much info/connectedness to the team as a whole now.
~Marty

2010 all day. We went through growing pains with the release of Favre and the 3-4 defense. However, Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy were strategic in their plans and brought us the trophy. Not to mention, you can't beat The Claymaker presenting A-Rod the Championship belt!
~Johnny Bigtime

I give it to 1996 by the slimmest of margins. That team was special across the board – I’d put them against any team in history. It was so satisfying to reach that point after years of bad teams and finally surpass the Cowboys (although we didn’t play them). I was at the NFC Championship game, too – best game ever I’ve ever been to in my life.
~Scooter

2010, definitely. It was much more of a Cinderella story, and there seemed to be more excitement being the underdog that kept defying the odds. The playoffs really started with the Patriots game in week 15, and even though that was a loss, it started the run of 7 nearly flawless games. What a ride!
~Gregg

Tough call, but 1996. I grew up watching some awful Packer teams in the 80s and early 90s, but it was the 1996 season that solidified the Packers into a Championship team. That title ended a long and frustrating drought of Packers championship football and propelled the Packers into a consistent playoff contender. But my vote goes for 2010 for the better championship gear - how awful were those New Orleans Super Bowl champs hats and shirts?
~Mark

2010 is the winner for me as it was a bit more unexpected with all the injuries that mounted. In ‘96 we built up to that greatness by finally getting past Dallas and making it to the Super Bowl. It was almost expected we were going to win it with our record, etc. 2011 was a year with more chaos, injuries, McCarthy bad clock management and calls, etc. Also to end my point we beat the Chicago Bears, in Soldier Field, to get to the Super Bowl and eventually win it! So we actually won the SuperBowl twice this year!!! Oh and by the way…12 is 3 times better than 4!
~Steven

'96 signified a monumental swing in the history of the Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre in his prime brought the Packers back to respectability, Reggie White showed people playing in Green Bay was not undesirable. It hadn't happened in over 3 decades. I was a freshman in college (in LaCrosse, Wisconsin) and watched it at maybe the best party I ever attended. An amazing experience.
~Alan

'10 means more to me for many reasons. First, doing things the right way pays off. Ted Thompson did things his way – the right way. A program. A Team. A discipline to not over react. A trust in a young, talented, high-character locker room. Honestly, vindication. They were right. The promise of Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, a high-powered offense and dominant defense. The hope that the Packers can be that next great NFL dynasty. The belief there is no way it will be 13 years before they bring home number 15.
~Tony J.

There you have it – 5 to 4 in favor of the Packers most recent Championship. So who got it right and who's off their rocker? Let us know in the comments.

A Message to Green Bay & Brown County's Finest

I wanted to give a little heads up to the Green Bay Police and Brown County Sheriff's Department. I understand that you need to keep the peace and protect the citizens of Green Bay proper and the Brown County area, but I need to ask you a favor. (I'm being generous here by asking. I could just tell you.) I need you to turn the other way when patrolling the Green Bay street newly named, "McCarthy's Way". I'm not saying let every speeding mini-van or red-light running pickup with the naked lady mudflaps get off scott-free, but I am asking that when you see a 1977 T-Top Trans Am flying down McCarthy's Way, you look the other way and grab another donut or a giant piece of beef jerky.

Please?

Cool. Thanks.

You see, that t-topped, turbo-charged beauty is Mike McCarthy's new ride. Mark Murphy and muscle car enthusiast Ted Thompson gave Coach McCarthy this sweet ride as congratulatory gift after the Super Bowl. Why a 1977 Trans Am? Because as you can see above, 1) McCarthy looks damn good flashing the "Victory" sign in it and 2) his favorite actress is Sally Field, and who can blame him for that?

I appreciate your consideration on this matter. After all, if you have a street named after you, you should be able to enjoy it to the fullest extent, and I hope McCarthy does that....by whipping donuts and outrunning Staties.

PS - To the Green Bay City Council member who opposes this street re-naming as "frivolous spending", I ask that you think about how much money the Green Bay Packers contribute to your city's budget....I'll wait.

Yeaaaah, that's pretty frivolous too right?

Wait, are you a Favre fan? Oh, that explains it....

Displaced Fan’s Account of Super Bowl XLV

Last Sunday over 100,000 fans experienced one of the biggest and most-hyped Super Bowls of all time, live and in-person in Dallas. But for a comparatively unfortunate handful, Super Bowl Sunday turned a super nightmare. Such was the case for a personal friend of mine who made the journey to Dallas with his significant other. Here is what he told me of his experience of his first – and perhaps last – Super Bowl. We’ll call him Mark. (P.S. I know the Ranter isn’t exactly known for journalistic integrity, but I assure you this is a real account.)

Judging from the pictures he was texting me early that day, Mark seemed to be having a great time in Dallas despite the weather. He tells me that he and some friends got to the stadium several hours in advance to walk about the spectacle that is Jerry’s World. After a 25-minute trek through tents and security pat-downs, Mark stepped up to a ticket scanner. And that’s where things started going sour.

His tickets were coming up with a big invalid “X”. Not sure what was going on, Mark was told there might be an issue with the bar code and had to visit the ticket resolution center, a half-mile or more away. Slightly embarrassed and unsure, Mark began walking, trying not to get upset. After all, it was still hours until kickoff. When he arrived at the tent, it was clear he was not alone. There was already a massive line of people who all received the same rejection as Mark at the gate, and they appeared more than just annoyed.

“They were just pissed,” Mark said. “But nobody knew what was going on. We were eventually told our tickets were unusable. I was wondering if Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out and say I was Punk’d.”

Sometime after 3pm, Mark and the others were moved into an area called the Party Plaza, a fenced-in tailgate-style section without bathrooms. Apparently, there was food and drinks, but definitely not free. There, a frustrated Mark and hundreds like him were subject to more idle downtime while those in charge from afar seemingly tried to decide just what to do with the displaced herd of ticketholders without seats.

During the waiting, Mark met a variety of people, including a 91-year old man who had driven all the way down with his grandson to Dallas from Chicago. “We felt so bad for them. We were like, ‘this isn’t the end of the world for us.’ We just felt so bad. This wasn’t right at all.”

At this point (roughly around 4pm) with no reliable information coming, the agitation levels were peaking. People were chanting “Jerry sucks!” and one guy began screaming “class action law suit!” while violently shaking the face that held him in.

The crowd was finally told they were going to be let it. Mark and friend followed the crowd to whatever entrance they were being led. “I never felt like more of a reject in my life,” he said. When they got into the stadium, they tried to flag down anyone wearing an earpiece, thinking they might know what was going on. Without any real explanation so far, Mark was still hoping the situation would be resolved and he could get a seat. Sadly, this wasn’t the case. Now, 45 minutes until kickoff, Mark and others were ushered into an elevator and led to a ground floor area called the Miller Lite Club, again wondering if he was being Punk’d.

“It was more like a holding pen,” Mark said. According to him, this area was actually about five feet below the playing surface, so that they could “only see legs.” Mark said they couldn’t see any of the game and were bunched together several deep, trying to make sense of the game on monitors that had a 40-second audio delay. “We strangely got used to that,” he said.

During the first quarter, these apology letters were handed out.

Sometime during the 2nd quarter, the displaced ticket-holders were then offered vouchers for free drinks. But shockingly, there was a catch – a tab maximum was placed so that twenty minutes and one free drink later, everything was back to normal price ($10 for a 12-ounce beer, he said.) In the 3rd quarter they were given sandwiches and a small buffet including mac ‘n cheese. People were standing in entryways three- and four-deep (apparently allowed) and doing whatever they could to catch a glimpse of live action.

“At this point, we just felt like a nuisance and a reject, like we were somehow ruining it for everyone else… We barely watched the game and saw nothing live at all. It was a complete disappointment. Kids were crying. Old ladies were crying. It was like, ‘this is it? This is what is comes down to?’”

In the 4th quarter, they were given what Mark refers to as a “Sorry Sack,” which included a t-shirt, hat and a program. There were rumblings they would be able to go onto the field after the game. An NFL representative eventually came around and apologized, exchanged emails with the displaced fans, and said they wanted to make it right.

One of the few highlights for Mark came after the game, roughly twenty minutes after the Lombardi trophy presentation when they were in fact allowed on field (in another gated-in area). “That was kind of neat. They were trying to make something right,” he said. He was able to take this picture of John Kuhn.

As I write this, Mark is waiting in the Dallas airport, disappointed from the experience and ready to return home. I give Mark a lot of credit for taking this as well as he has. There are certainly people who went through the same hassles and runaround – who got the same sporadic information and who effectively missed the Super Bowl they traveled to see – who are many times more livid than Mark.

I decided to ask Mark if there anything the NFL could do to make it up to him. He replied, “Yeah – not let it happen in the first place. This shouldn’t have happened. They knew about it. This is like being a kid and going to Disneyworld and finding out it it’s closed. We didn’t get to even see the Lombardi presentation. We could’ve seen this all at home, and been a lot more comfortable. It’s not about the money, it’s about the experience and a lot of people lost out on that. They could’ve let us shake every player’s hand, but they’re not going to fix the fact we missed the Packers win the Super Bowl.”

Update: Since this posting, an NFL representative has contacted me in hopes of reaching Mark to inform him of the new options as announced by Commissioner Roger Goodell. This offer, available to all of the 400 affected ticketholders, now includes a free ticket to a future Super Bowl of his choice, airfare and accommodations. Complete details can be found on NFL.com. While there will surely be several lessons learned from this experience, I applaud the NFL for trying to make things right. Though I cannot speak for him, I believe Mark will be satisfied.

Fields of Green and Gold

These are a few random thoughts in no particular order.

*I am in a good mood. Not too overfed with the many sweet tastes of victory – still need to perform the daily functions of jerky tenderizing, managing the DVR and emailing news organizations regarding the under-reported groundswell of rabid, malicious squirrels in the area. I mean, they’re not even scared of us anymore! But I’m also not too stubborn to hide this perma-grin, either.

*There was little doubt in my mind this would be the biggest Super Bowl of all time. All the elements were in place. Huge, rabid fan bases. NFL stars galore. Storied franchises. A billion-dollar stadium. A million-and-one angles. Lockout on the horizon. Google. iPhone. Twitter. To my knowledge, this is the only event in history that could bring together the likes of A-Rod, Harry Ford, Fergie, Aaron Rodgers and Brian Carriveau.

*It is just so damn amazing what happened yesterday… last week… this whole season that I can’t wrap my head around it. I want to relive it all – preferably through a 3D virtual reality, multi-sensory adventure designed by James Cameron. (I will probably just buy Super Bowl XLV Champions DVD instead.)

*I just heard on Green and Gold that this could be the greatest year in Wisconsin sports history. Badger football in the Rose Bowl, Packers SB champs, Brewers may make the playoffs, etc. I find it funny (because it’s true) that the Lombardi trophy can compensate for shortcomings in the other teams.

*The Super Bowl ads were weak, again. I give a lot credit to the ad agencies for this – just how in the hell did you convince your client to spend millions of dollars on such uncreative, retreaded garbage? Next year, call the Ranter. We work for meat and cheese.

*Isn’t it amazing the way we neutralized Troy Polamalu and James Harrison? Polamalu was Defensive Player of the Year and Harrison finished third. They combined for a whopping four tackles and one sack. Folks, that is all about great game-planning and an amazing performance by Rodgers to read, react, avoid them, etc. SB MVP is right.

*I let myself down by not getting around to designing a poster like I did for the NFC Championship game. There were so many great compliments for that one. Make no mistake, it’s on my mind and something I am all but guaranteeing will happen soon. I am currently on the hunt for some inspiration, which will probably come in the form of medieval warrior or futuristic concept art. Be on the lookout!

*Congratulations to the Packers in every way possible. I literally like every single guy (to varying degrees) on the team, and am happy for them all. This was not only a team win, this was also an organizational win. This has class and dynasty written all over it. It's good to be a Packer fan.